Best traffic jam ever.
There we were, driving around Hluhluwe in our rented, low-clearance Ford Bullshit when we found the road blocked by Tantor the Magnificent. As the park information we’d been handed at the gate referred to “a number of recent unfortunate incidents involving elephants and vehicles” we decided to hold back and wait for Tantor to finish his business. Since we were near the lodge, a number of cars were soon lined up both behind and in front of us, including two guided park safari vehicles— huge, multi-tiered Land Rovers seating twelve guests apiece— and a couple of pick-ups filled with maintance staff. All told, a lovely traffic jam with zero possibility of road rage or other irresponsible behavior. Or so we thought.
Buffet-breakfast closing time was fast approaching.
Suddenly, the two maintenance trucks pulled out behind us and began to encroach on mighty Tantor. As the last one passed I yelled to the driver and asked if I was allowed to follow. Homeboy merely shrugged. Taking this as an affirmative I immediately fell in behind him, passing our pathetic little vehicle within slapping distance of Tantor’s magnificent hamstrings. As we discovered later, the park guides in their Land Rovers are not permitted to break the fifty-foot-proximity rule as it sets a bad example and needlessly endangers both paying guests and browsing wildlife. We also discovered that, far from being bollocked by uniformed officials prior to being tossed from the park, we were instead given hearty thumbs-up and back-slaps by any staff who happened to witness our ill-advised drive-around. Go figure. Oh, and the people in the Landies all missed breakfast. In case they’re wondering, it was excellent.
The moral of this story is threefold.
1. Never let an elephant get between you and your breakfast. If you do, the locals will never respect you.
2. Give the guided drives in Hluhluwe a miss. And lastly,
3. Always get the super insurance.
